Self-betrayal is a very dark place to live in and unfortunately a much more familiar place for me. I spend a lot of time in the darkness waiting for someone to turn on the light. Unable to understand that the light switch was right next to me, and all I had to do was reach over and pull the string. That light switch is self-love and in loving myself I began to create my own light and find my lost voice. 

   All my life I gave and did for others while neglecting myself. The more I gave, the more they wanted. I never really understood that I wasn’t really helping them but enabling them. It took me many years filled with darkness, pain, and ugliness to finally get tired of being used, manipulated, and taken for granted. 

   I look back now and realize that all the giving and doing for others was because I desperately needed love and I believed that in giving, I would receive. But the more they pour out of me, the emptier I became, and still, I remained unloved, unappreciated, and at times, invisible. 

   In my darkest moment, I screamed for help and no one came and rescued me, not even those I thought would have my back. I then got on my knees with tears running down my face to a point I couldn’t breathe and begged God for help. 

   At that moment I finally started to understand what I needed to do. In order to get out of the darkness, I needed to create my own light instead of waiting for someone else. Self-love was my light and in order for me to fully experience the benefits of self-love, I needed to distance myself from everyone. I had to learn to align myself with everything that is love. I had to learn to pour into myself. I had to learn to give to myself and to love myself because self-love is the key to happy living.

   But don’t get it twisted between Self-Love and being Selfish. The more you love yourself the more you will be able to give to others. A good way to compare self-love and selfishness is to look at the effect that loving yourself has on others. If you take care of your mind and spirit you can give solid helpful advice to loved ones. Loving yourself will be a motivator to others around you, they will see your glow and become inspired to let go of clinging to negative habits and embrace their own self-love.

   While being selfish will cause you to miss the ability to feel happiness for others because your selfishness will only allow you to focus on yourself in the most negative way. An illusion may get you by for a little while until you begin losing your friends, your job, or your finances. Being overindulgent and needy will not help you the way that you truly need and will not help anyone in your life either. You will only further confuse yourself and others and help lead those you love blindly down a path of unhappiness. Selfishness will poison everything around you.

   Now in my present time, I am extremely happy with my life but most importantly with who I am. In my journey of Self-Love, I lost a lot of people that I truly genuinely love but most importantly I found myself.  I love myself and I found my voice and the true meaning of happiness.

   My advice to everyone is to learn to love yourself first so you can project your light to those that truly deserve it.  Lead by example and be an inspiration.