As I sit here on my desk and tears running down my face I feel this indescribable pain in my heart. Putting my dreams aside and my business on hold due to this excruciating pain that I am dealing with. What I thought was going to be an amazing beginning of the year turned out into a nightmare that I call “Living in Hell”. After celebrating the one-year anniversary of JEM Fab Fashions I laid to rest my cousin Thomas Marrero due to a drug overdose. My family suffered for years in silence through this horrific journey. The physical, financial, and emotional toll it took on them was devastating, but shame and silence are the killers to our souls.

By sharing my story, I hope to inspire others to help end the shame and stigma that comes with a substance use disorder. My cousin was an amazing father, brother, son, and grandson. He was loved by so many people and his smile always lit up the room.

Sometimes it’s hard for friends and family members to understand why their loved ones can’t just quit using the substance that is hurting them. The reason why it’s so difficult for them is that it isn’t just a habit it’s a disease. A disease that can change their brain circuits. In fact, it changes the brain function so much that the person has a very hard time stopping their use of drugs even when they want to. This disease knows no boundaries in terms of age, gender, socioeconomic status, education, profession, religion, culture, marital status, etc…But if you are faced with someone that has an addiction or if you have an addiction please understand you must ditch the blame game.

Start being proactive and resolve to get professional help right away. Even though it’s not your fault you’re addicted, it is your responsibility to seek treatment and go after it with all you’ve got. Second, learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you’ve been through. Challenges, such as a traumatic past, it does not define who you are. Accepting what happened in the past and acknowledging that you are a stronger person because of it can help with self-improvement and healing. Please remember blame never leads to real change; once you are truly ready to stop doing it, you’re ready to move forward and start living a newly liberated life. Becoming clean and sober is a choice that’s entirely up to you; only you have the power to make it happen! I want everyone to realize and understand the cruciating pain that they deal with internally. They feel hopeless, unimportant, and misunderstood. So instead of mocking them or talking down to them, remind them how much they are loved. Although it’s difficult today to see beyond my sorrow, I know that my cousin Thomas Marrero is at peace and is smiling down at all of us.

Approximately a week later after laying my cousin down to rest. I woke up with a sudden pain in my chest that turned out to be anxiety. At that moment it was my mind preparing me for what was ahead. I didn’t understand the meaning of why I was feeling the way I was, but I knew something was wrong. At that very moment, my mother contacted me telling me that my aunt from NYC Maria Marrero tested positive for Covid-19. I stood quiet and started crying. When hanging up the phone with my mother I tried calling my Tia and no answer. I was so petrified of losing someone that meant so much to me yet again.

So I decided to temporarily close JEM down so I can dedicate myself fully to my family and make sure we are taking every precaution to be safe. Finally, after a long week of waiting patiently to speak to my aunt, I was able to face-time her while she was in the hospital. She looked so fragile, I told her that I loved her with all my heart and I can’t wait to see her and go to Puerto Rico with her. She then said I love you too and we will go to Puerto Rico together with all the family once she comes out of the hospital.  I felt so happy to be able to hear her voice and tell her how much I loved her. She was definitely fighting for her life with all her willpower.  But unfortunately, the virus that I call the unseen demon ended up taking her life away.

You see, all my life I was referred to Maria!  I’m just like her, I look like her, I remind people of her. I never understood the concept of it but now that I am older I completely understand. She was a fighter, warrior, dreamer, smart, talented, artist, giver but most importantly true to herself and what she believed in.

I will forever be honored to be a reflection of a beautiful soul and I will honor her wish to go to Puerto Rico in remembrance of her name Maria Marrero.

Unfortunately, we live every day worrying about tomorrow instead of living in the moment in the now, We tend to take for granted the people we truly love because we think tomorrow is promised. These last couple of months I have taken my time to do some soul searching. 

In my darkest moments and in my time of healing and mourning. I realized that we have to stop and smell the flowers. Be grateful for who we are as human beings and forgive those who had hurt us. Dream deeper than you’ve ever imagined and experience all that your heart desires. 

Thomas and Maria Marrero you both will forever be in our and we will always keep your memory alive.